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The Last Apology

Dear Everyone,

I want you to know that I value you all. Every single friend in my life has been important to me, and I am constantly amazed by the talented, eclectic, eccentric, and unique group of people I've had the pleasure of knowing through my life thus far. It makes me proud, and I'm always proud of all of you. I couldn't ask for better friends than you. You have, most likely, influenced my life greatly and helped me become more like the person I've always wanted to be, even when life deals its sucker punches and I stumble.

This is my last apology to you. I'm sorry for letting myself stay down for so long. I'm sorry I haven't been the friend you deserve in return for your friendship to me. I know I've been distant, I know I've been reclusive and cold. When I'm hurting, I freeze. I close myself to the world, and I want nothing but the best for you. When I am not the best I can be? There's an unfair conflict of interests there, and it's entirely asinine. My daily life is a constant negative environment. I've known no worse solitude, and endured no such cynicism and carelessness before. This past year has tested me in ways I hardly imagined, and certainly in ways I have never known before. But as a result, I will be an even better person still. Brick walls exist to stop those who aren't passionate enough to overcome them. I have things to do and experiences to live. I have goals to meet that need not live up to anyone's standards but my own.

But I don't wish to stay so far away forever. I will not apologize again, as from this moment in my life, there should exist no reason for me to. Not for this year of my life I wish to leave behind me, to step away from and keep only as a memory that drives me to never allow myself to repeat it. I can and will be ready for life after this. I've grown up, and the final push was the hardest part of all.

I missed you, and I love you.
Sorry 'bout the dickery
C